Key points to remember:
- Abuse grows from attitudes and values, not feelings. The roots are ownership, the trunk is entitlement, and the branches are control.
- Abuse and respect are opposites. Abusers cannot change unless they overcome their core disrespect toward their partners.
- Abusers are far more conscious of what they are doing than they appear to be. However, even their less-conscious behaviors are driven by their core attitudes.
- Abusers are unwilling to be nonabusive, not unable. They do not want to give up power and control.
- You are not crazy. Trust your perceptions of how your abusive partner treats you and thinks about you.
— Lundy Bancroft in Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (2002), p. 240 (via mikroblogolas)